Funeral

I have to say that having a neighbor pass away has been such a learning experience.  Things certainly have not gone as I thought they would.  And to see some of the things that I knew in my head actually play out has been interesting.

As I was asking around last night, everyone sort of agreed that the funeral would be just after the Friday Prayers (think Sunday morning church service).  So, I was surprised this morning when I woke up to what sounded like a funeral being broadcast from our local mosque.  As a woman, I can't just run on up there and see what's going on.  So, I still don't know what that was.

I had asked my across the hall neighbor to come get me when she was going down.  I explained that I really don't know what goes on, so please not to forget me!  Again, I was too chicken to just show up and start mingling with the approximately 200 people that were lingering around outside.

When the Call to Prayer sounded at around 12:30 I ran to get my conservative clothes, including headscarf, on.  I knocked on the door across the hall.  My sweet neighbor came out and explained that the truck carrying the body would come and all the men would go to the mosque.  They would do their Friday prayers and then go bury the body.  She told me not to go down yet.  Trusting her, I went back inside, just as the kids came hollering that the truck had arrived.

With the sight of the truck carrying the body, a huge wave of weeping and wailing began.  Again, several men and women passed out.

It was only in front of the building for a few minutes and then drove up to the mosque.  Several woman ran screaming after it.

Now, I know things about Islam, but sometimes once you see them in practice it really hits home.  An example of this was that the women didn't get to go up to the mosque or to the burial.  I cannot imagine not being able to participate in these steps toward closure.  That being said, there isn't a true funeral, like we think of funerals.  And really, having to bury the person within 24 hours means things have to be quite quick and simple!

The practicality of the men leaving meant that about a hundred women were mingling around all afternoon.  The building that the woman who passed away lived in is a family building.  That means that her husband's family owned the land on which it was constructed and mostly family members live in the apartments.  So, the building was full of women sitting around trying to comfort each other.

Around 3:30 the men starting coming back.  The younger guys set up tables and chairs (who knows where they came from), and then they served some simple food to the mass of people.   After an hour or so, everyone had eaten a bit and the crowd started to die down.

The kids and I were going crazy stuck up in our apartment (it's hot again!), so I told them that we could go outside now that the crowd was dying down a bit.  All the while I was wondering if I had misunderstood my neighbors.  Had they gone over without me?

After about 30 minutes outside- me sitting on a bench facing the crowded street, the kids playing in our building's parking lot- my neighbor finally came out to get me.  Her husband is our building manager and they had ordered food to take over on behalf of our building.  So, I quickly ran up to get my long-sleeved cardigan and headscarf (out of respect), and we waited together for the food to arrive.  Once it arrived we took it over.

Once we were there, we went to 4 different apartments full of women.  We went around and kissed each ones' cheeks, said I am so sorry for your loss, and sat for a few minutes talking.  It was pretty intense and super sad.

Once the visit was done, I felt totally drained and sad.  We were supposed to go out as a family to celebrate our 5th anniversary of moving here, but I just couldn't do it.  Even the kids are sad.  They have been really off both yesterday and today.  And they have been stuck to my hip.  When I make a movement they ask if I'm ok or where I'm going, etc.  Maybe some other time we'll go celebrate.  Right now is a time to mourn.

"Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted."

Matthew 5:4