Saved to Serve Whom?

While Justin was gone I wanted to take the kids to a movie.  They had been really good and deserved a special treat.  (Other than the trip to London.  Ha!)

So after our house fellowship one Sunday we dropped by the local theatre (along with half of the city) to see what was playing.  We searched for a parking place for almost 45 minutes (one of the few downsides to having a car).  My nerves were shot and I was ready to quit and go home.  But, you can't promise kids a movie and dinner out and expect them to let you just give up after only 45 minutes of traffic battle.

So we persevered and in the end followed some shoppers to their car lightly clipping their heels along the way.  We parked and went to check out the movies.  The only thing playing that was appropriate for our family was Secretariat.   I was a little nervous about this one because I didn't know if my heart could handle it.

You see, after only a few months of living here a friend let us borrow the movie Dreamer.  We were excited because it was filmed not far from our beautiful home in beautiful Kentucky.  But, we'd left all that and watching the rolling green hills, horse farms, and even the races was like a shot to the gut.  I cried... a lot- mourning the loss of the American dream and our old life.  From there on out, whenever I was feeling down or in need of a good cry, I would just pull out Dreamer and let the tears flow.

(Another embarrassing side note: A few years back Callie was going through a bit of a Hannah Montana (GAG!) phase so I took her to see that movie when it came out over here.  I cried then, too.  Anything southern, with family, horses, beautiful scenery, or suburbia could trigger the tears!)

But, that was then, and we've been here a while.  So, I thought that I could handle it.  My girls and I LOVE horses and Noah loves anything with competition and suspense.  So I bought the tickets. 

Rabbit trail alert: One great thing about movies here is that seating is assigned.  When you buy your ticket you get to pick your seats.  I love not having to show up early and sit in the theatre trying to entertain the kids!

Anyway, we loved the movie.  I was proud at how far I had come.  I didn't cry at all.  I could really just appreciate how beautiful that part of the world is and be grateful that I had my chance to live there.

But, one thing from the movie slapped me in the face, and I can't stop thinking about it.  They sort of glossed over it, but the main character (a woman) eventually divorces her husband and sort of drops her family in order to pursue her dream.  I have heard so many stories like this.

Now, I have all but given up on trying to be Superwoman.  In fact, I've done a bit of a 180 and almost enjoy being flawed.  But I still have dreams and hopes and bigger plans than getting the laundry done or food on the table.

I love my husband and I love my kids, but I want more than just to serve them.  But it feels like it is impossible- one or the other.  A woman must choose.

I am really struggling with this lately.  The past year has been hard on our family.  Justin went through quite a dramatic job search that lead our family in a new direction.  I felt like my role in that time was to try to encourage and support him and just try to keep it all together. 

But, now we are through that.  He is very happily employed and is reveling in the firm identity that his job provides for our lives in this country.  We have margin now, which is such a blessing.  I am so thankful for my husband who followed his heart and trusted the Lord.  He (both the Lord and Justin) have brought our family to a really great place.  Not for one second am I rejecting that blessing.

But what do I do.  I have always dreamed of doing something a bit more tangible here.  The needs are so great and I feel like I have a lot to offer.  It gets a bit tricky because we are in the Middle East and the government is extremely strict.  (Google has been outlawed and blocked again.  Thank God for husbands who are computer savvy and can get around things like that!).  So, ministry in a traditional form is not really possible. 

I am sure that there is something that I can do to serve those around me but will it be to the detriment of my family?  The last thing I want is to take away form them.  But at the same time, I want to be who God made me to be.  I want to show the love of Jesus instead of just talking about it.

What does it look like to be a woman of God here?

Is that just a woman who loves and serves her family and tries to share truth with her neighbors over tea or is there more?  I just don't know!