JUST STOP IT!!

I snuck into the kids' room the other night, lugged my sleeping baby out of the crib, and held her. I just held her, swaying softly, and trying to drink her in. Her intoxicating baby smell. Her tiny little blond curl at the nape of her neck. Her sweet soft cheeks. She is a year and a half old- not really a baby at all anymore. A toddler, and I hate it.

You see, I have been here before. My first baby- the tiny little thing that taught me what it was to really live, is about to be seven! I can still remember so vividly the feelings I was flooded with during those early months. The delight at simply watching him breathe. Thousands of pictures and hundreds of hours of video footage. The pure delight. But now, that tiny baby is strong and handsome. He reads and writes... in two languages! Sometimes, every so often when I least expect it, the baby is still there. A sweet hug, a good belly laugh, childish thoughts and words. But, they are fleeting! Board books, puzzles, and stuffed animals are being replaced with homework, and soccer, and Star Wars.

On the heals of that sweet baby boy, came a little pink princess. Unfortunately, the details are not as vivid (call it shock and awe of two little babies), but the love swelled up again. With one, we were parents. With two, we were a family! That sweet little girl tripped, wrestled, and bowled her way into our hearts- deep and full. When she was born, we laughed with joy, and I asked the doctor, "what on earth am I going to do with a girl?" I'll tell you what... This girl loves to laugh, and dance, and create. What I do with this girl is see things in a whole new way.

She wasn't a baby very long. No, she had no time for trailing behind. She was walking- make that running- at nine months! And, has kept us on our toes since. But, the precious blessing about her is, that although she grew up quickly, she loves to snuggle. She looks for an excuse to curl up in your lap or sneak into bed with us. (Although it's hard to appreciate the latter because she is the wiggliest thing you will ever meet!!). So I still get to hold her, even if it is on her terms and in her timing.

But, now, here I am again, feeling the emptiness in my arms. Where is my baby? My other sweet little princess has no time to be held, no time to snuggle, or even to slow down. She has to keep up with the other two. She is nipping at their heals. She is supposed to be a baby, a tiny baby. Yet, here I am wrestling her down from on top of the refrigerator!

It's the worst conundrum! You are so caught up in keeping them fed, happy, and alive, that when you take a second to step back and breathe a little, you realize you missed it. Maybe you can check the memory card on your camera, or the film in your video recorder, hoping to at least have some evidence. But you feel like an observer- on the outside looking in as life whizzes by. Can someone please, please tell me how to just stop it- if only for a moment. How to drink it in. How to love and laugh, and not be so caught up with the toys on the floor or the dishes in the sink? Please tell me how to keep my babies little. I just want to hold them in my arms a little more. I'm afraid they'll be off to college tomorrow.